Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
