Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
