just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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