No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
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