dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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