i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
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