Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
