i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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