Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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