I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
