I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
