do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
