she smelled like a LAN party
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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