My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
