I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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