oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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