Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
