he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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