What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
