): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
