Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We talked him into tasing himself.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
