eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
