so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
