Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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