please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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