just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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