So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
