Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
