Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
