Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
