Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
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