There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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