We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just want to make out with him forever
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
