He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
