Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i think my mom watched the whole time
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
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