i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
