don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
