i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
