The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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