just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
