I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
