i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
