You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
