"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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