I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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