I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He had one of those small greek statue penises
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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