I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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