I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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