first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
