I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
