I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
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I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
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At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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