I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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