I haven't been this sober since birth.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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