dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
