omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
