therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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