my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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