She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
