Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
