I'd wear matching sweaters with you
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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