that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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