I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
