im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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