I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
