He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
there was a trapeze. enough said
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
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I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
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She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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