Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
