i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
