She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
