I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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