Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
