So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
