oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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