Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
