I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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