bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
