Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
