Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
