remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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